Sometimes only chocolate will do. Like when you see on facebook that an acquaintance has just had a baby and she has named her with your longstanding favourite baby name. The name that made you hope you were having a girl.
And it makes you smile at first because it affirms your good taste (the acquaintance is cool) and because you're so happy she's had a beautiful, healthy, baby girl.
And then it makes you totally bummed (but in an embarrassed kinda way) coz - Dammit, YOU wanted that name.
And then it smacks you in the guts. Real hard. And it really, really hurts and you're completely shocked by the force of it and left reeling by the heartache you thought you'd gotten over.
And so only chocolate will do. You cry on the phone to your mum in the dark of your porch. And you remind yourself to tread lightly, that you still have to tiptoe around some things.
Like not listening to Bon Iver for the foreseeable future.
Pretending that secret pinterest board you made doesn't exist.
Getting your husband to deal with the birth preparation books from the library that are weeks overdue.
That kind of stuff.
Tread lightly. Tread lightly.